but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize