I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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