also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
BRING THE BAGELS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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