I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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