He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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