I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize