I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize