No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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