im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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