put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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