I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize