Duck Duck Cougar?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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