I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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