Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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