My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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