Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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