Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize