Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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