hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize