You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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