I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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