My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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