so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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