No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize