life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize