she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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