When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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