Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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