You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize