Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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