So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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