sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize