I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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