im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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