You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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