i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My vagina is very pro this idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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