Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dignity is for republicans.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize