I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize