He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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