Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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