At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize