I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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