I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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