oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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