hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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