Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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