So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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