this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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