just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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