How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
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I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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