I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's like iHOP with fire
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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