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a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
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